*Whooopieeedooo*

*Super long post alert*

Been a very long time since i posted.. hmm lets seee alot to say...lets start with movies...watched quite a few recently...i watched i now pronounce you chuck and larry, Mr Woodcock, Superbad... OF them i would say i like Superbad and Chuck And Larry better...in all honesty mr woodcock is a cock movie... Superbad was hilarious especially the pictures he draws....hahahhaha about chuck and larry i always respected the wishes of people who tend to have varied tastes(u get my drift), but after watching this movie i believe they deserve more...


Hmmm music, i have been blessed with so many new pieces of music, all touching me variously...In so many ways i have gotten back my feeling of music and its becoming a huge fren to me..

On the topic of friends, i somehow have a problem...i tink i tend to be too honest and cant stand it when they cant face up to who they are....all these fake lies and fake masks are intended for? maybe its because i threw mine away..i feel so much better, i know i am a weirdo and dnt seem human to u guys but seriousli the amount of lies u come out to maintain the lie u call itself dnt u find it ridiculous? i wnt name ani1 i wnt give ani examples, i will jus leave the thought hanging, think about it guys...

Soccer...hahhaa i have been playing really alot nowadays...so much that i have been late for work and sleeping every night with sore limbs.. i really have gotten my passion for it back and i dnt want to be a weekend warrior...i want to be good enuff...i want to not jus play for the thrill..i want to play in competitions i want to win...

Hmm i started writing today for this but each time i typed i backspaced my words away hoping it would do the same for my life.. I am a shadow of myself, and no bravado in these words...no more fake courage.. I am a distant piece of myself, i might not have alot of supporters but i have a lot of critics...guess they have won..
You see my pride as a challenge to break yet you fail to see the weak person inside who desperately clings on to the shield to hide himself..go on, sharpen your knifes, make an aim, in fact why bother, i believe u throw a blade blindfolded and you could inflict maximum damange... If i was a package they would pack me not with cardboard but with fragile warnings...

I always bounced back becoz ppl believed in me yet now i feel so alone... i feel like i am finally alone...years ago alone was sumtin i was normal in..i faced the world like it was nothing... now my neck is broken, i cant face the world no more...pride is gone, and no1 holding my head for me... People who i once could talk to about my problems are all for some reason or another so distant...its all my fault, i never knew how to maintain relationships...always so brutally honest...always so stubborn in my beliefs...

I dnt know where to go, why i am like this... i am lost..lost as can be...i show the world the chameleon mel has become, how he goes to a soccer pitch as soccer enthusiast worried about nothing other than winning, or how he plays cupid for frens acting like he is a love guru.... each time he acts yet once he did it for bravado, pride or alpha male syndrome but now he does it so people do not feel sad...he does not want to hurt any1 animore... been there done that too mani times.. his whole life he hurt people...

Yet karma and fate has not been slow to dish out his punishment...he sits alone in his room, prays to God everyday askin for someone he knows he will never get...he sits also askin God why his 16th year birthday present has not arrived...He talks alot to Him nowadays... Maybe thats his last fren.. The only one who still listens to this madman's ramblings... I am not him....alot of people took it in so mani ways yet no1 ever saw the pain those words could take... Alone forever....